Of boredom and unproductiveness

I was not one of those who, when they came back to TARC was celebrating their return. I was not one of those who returned to TARC and said, ‘I am one hell of a boring time back in Dhaka.’ True I might sound boring or even the introvert type of guy we meet every now and then. But the fact is that I get along quiet well with people. Due to this although I socialize with a lot of people, but as good friends, I have very few in number. At times I find myself sitting all alone, looking for someone to talk to. Someone to ask me if anything is bugging me or not. Plus it’s a wonder how people tend to develop strong feelings within the confinement of TARC for emotional support. Due to this what was once a lively group of 5 has turned into subgroups of 2 people. As there is a saying in Bengali, ‘Shujhey thakle bhootey kilai.’ Which literally means when you have all your desires fulfilled, still you come up with problems whatsoever.

And to top it off I miss my mother a lot. Last day while watching a movie, there was a family scene where the kid is fondled by his mother. I started missing her even more. And missing her makes it even harder for me to stay in this shit hole of a place. Class class and then seminars. Boring days with nothing to keep myself busy. Today I skipped the Chinese class because one it won’t add to my academic results. And two I don’t feel like attending classes and stressing my mind.

Tomorrow’s going to be one painful day since I have three consecutive classes. Plus the migraine headaches I have become worse when I am confined in a room for a prolonged period of time.

All in all, I am not enjoying my life here in TARC. True it has a great library and if it wasn’t for the books or for AIESEC works which keeps me busy most of the time, I would have been driven nuts by this time. I am a person who always has something to do if I were in Dhaka. TARC is not a place for me where we have to relax for days at a stretch, being confided within 4walls, with food at fixed times and having to return to rooms within a specific time limit. This is more like a prison than even being one of the closets of my room.

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