I remember when I was back in class 6; I had to write essays on various topics and one such topic that came up quite often was titled ‘My Sister’. Being the first of the two sons of my parents, an older sister’s influence in life was always something I yearned for. I saw my mother, who had 3 brothers. I saw what an influence she was on their lives. A sister to me was always portrayed as the extension of one’s brother. But at the same time, she is more a friend than a parent, more a playmate than a guardian.
Sometimes I find myself thinking the things I actually gained and the things I lost after joining this student organization called AIESEC. It’s a whole story here so let’s not get into it. My old friends complain that due to my participation in different activities, I do not give them enough time. but I can never deny the fact that being a part of this organization, not only did I make some really good friends, but also found people who make life much more beautiful than it would have been otherwise.
I realized that a girl can have an impact on a boy’s life in a number of ways. She does not have to be a girl friend, or mother. She is one of my closest friends, and not only due to our sub continental culture, but I am sure if I had an elder sister, she wouldn’t have been able to love me as much as the one I get from Jui apu.
I know I might sound like an emo guy right now, but the truth is, the bond we have is something even I find hard to define at times. I have known her for almost one and a half years now, but we became close after coming back from APXLDS Taiwan. I always said Jawad Bhaiya was my mentor in AIESEC, but after coming from my first international conference, I had another person whom I could look up to as my inspiration. That is Jui Apu. She taught me to dream BIG!!!
Due to her influence and on her recommendation, I applied to the Global IM Support Team of AIESEC International. AI team?? Hahahaha you must be kidding me!! Why would AI take a Junior Member as their Support Team member? But on Jui Apu’s insistence, I applied. And I got IN!! I became the youngest ever member to represent AIESEC Bangladesh in AIESEC International. I remember the evening when I got the first email from AI! In my excitement I forgot to inform Jui apu, and although a bit upset at the beginning, she was really proud of me later. ‘I am proud of you’ – when she said these words, my heart swelled with happiness. This might have been a small gesture from her side, but to me it was something very special.
After sometime, I went to TARC. Even in that isolated place, where I was away from everything even remotely related to AIESEC, she was always the one to call me up with new updates and ask me about mine. She spent a good deal of her money and time talking to me on the phone. And for that I am really grateful to her.
Slowly from a senior at university, she became a good friend. One of my best friends, my elder sister. Someone, to whom I can call up anytime of the day and chat about anything I, wanted to. Someone who did not feel bothered or irritated when I behaved like a child, or when I did not want to be reasoned with. I am glad I have someone like her with whom I do not have to pretend to be someone I am not. I am glad she understands me when it becomes too difficult to express myself. I am glad she is always there to cool me down when I am too angry to talk to her.
I have a weakness. No matter how angry I am with a person, I can never hold my anger with her if she talks to me, despite our difference. I can never stop talking to the people who mean the most to me. And thus comes the part where I start expecting things from my loved ones.
There was once this incident where due to some communication misunderstanding, I kinda got angry with her and then decided not to talk to her for a week. But my anger did not last even for a day. How can you be angry with a person with whom you just HAVE to share everything?
I know I sound really selfish when I say this, but I really wish you were my blood sibling. So I would have been around you round the clock. You sometimes joke that someone who did not have a successful love life can never give me advice for my love life. But you do not understand that you help just by listening to me. You help by being the person who’s there for me, as I go on hour after hour, day after day. You help by being my elder sister, who overlooks all my faults, and never fails to point out others mistakes just to make me happy.
Ever since childhood, the idea of losing a loved one haunts me. People grow apart as time passes. I have a different fear. I once saw in an episode in ‘My Name is Earl’ where the mother does not let her son date girls because she is afraid that she will lose her son to another woman.
I also have the same fear. One day you will find someone who will mean the world to you. And on that day I will be one of the happiest people at the wedding! Or you might find a brother who’s much more matured and caring than me. I just don’t want to be left alone, because one day you might realize that you won’t need me anymore. The fear of losing a relation as sacred as a sister haunts me. And thus I am possessive at times. I am sorry.
So let this post act as a reminder to me whenever I feel down by something you do, or to cheer me up for if I am ever angry for some silly stupid reason.
Let this post be dedicated to one of my bestest friends, to one of the most caring person in my life, to a person who makes me smile no matter how angry I am, to a person who makes by day just by giving me a call, to the person who makes me feel like a new person just by putting a hand on my head, to the person who just makes me happy by being there, to the person who makes me feel like a child I never got the chance to be, to the person who has always been there(and will be there) for me endlessly with words of wisdom, love and courage, to someone who believes in me and stands by me always, who encourages me to dream big – to my sister Jui Apu. I love you, apu.
I first started writing this post back in July 2010 at TARC, just before Sister’s Day. I wanted this to be a Sister’s Day note to you, but I ever got to finish it, because I was always short of words, and it seemed incomplete. It still seems incomplete because I am sure Jui Apu will always be there for me, and so will I. it’s just that I am happy I posted it now since a lot of things have happened since July.
I do not know if I said anything that I should have said earlier or if I said anything I shouldn’t have. But I want this post to be here as a symbol of what you mean to me. Belated Sister’s Day apu 🙂